We open on Smackdown! this week with General Manager CM Punk standing in the middle of the ring with a microphone in hand. The fans are on their feet and CM Punk has a smile on his face. He nods his head in approval of the fans cheers of C M Punk! General manager Punk raies the microphone in his hand to speak and the crowd sits down and pays attention to what CM Punk is about to say.
Straight Edge GM // CM Punk
For those of you who don't know what happened to my office last week let me tell you what happened. Someone, who I will not name came into my office and decided that they would do some redecorating. This redecorating involved my papers all over the floor, books scattered about every where, my book care turned over, and spray paint all over my walls. Just before this happened it would seem that Ted Dibase Jr was beatin nearly to death. He was sent to the hospital with broken ribs, a larg gash across his head which also gave him a concussion and internal bleeding. Unfortunately he will be out until further notice. See this all revolves around one guy. See JD Michales was apparently in the ring with a smile on his face as he won his match due to his opponent not being able to be at the ring. So this week JD you will pay for destroying my office and for attacking another wrestler by fighting someone you can't jump and beat up before a match. JD you are going to get what you want. You want to be in the spot light, you want to be main event material, well tonight you will face the Undertaker!
Just as General Manager Punk finished his sentence the music of Bawitaba played over the arena and JD Michaels appeared on the ramp way with April by his side both wearing smiles. JD always ready to speak his mind had a microphone in hand ready to speak. Before he could even raise his microphone JD and April both got an enormous amout of boos for showing up for the night. This did not take the smiles off of the face of either JD or April. Instead April took the microphone in hand and looked at the crowd a moment before beginning to speak.
Big Red // April Hunter
What all you people need to do is shut your mouth and listen to what my baby has to say. To all you ladies, I know you want him, but I'm the only woman who gets to go home with him every night so feel free to be jealous. To all the boys out there and yes I said boys, you might as well just go home and play with your selves because JD here is the only man I see here and the only man who can please me the way I need. CM Punk, it's obvious you didn't listen to what we had to say the first time we met. We told you that you will do what we ask of you or we will have to take things into our own hands. So this is what we did. Now you want to punish JD by making him face the Undertaker? Do you think JD is scared of the Undertaker?
Before April could continue talking JD places his hand over the microphone and stops her. JD takes the microphone from April and leans over to give her a kiss. When JD releases the kiss the smile on his face only grew larger as the fans disagreed with show of passion. JD kept the smile and raised his microphone to spaek to the general manager and to the fans.
JD Michaels
Whoa there April, you are getting ahead of business here. We will get to the Undertaker later. Right now I want to talk to CM Punk. You know Punk, as a wrestler back in the day you were ok. But since you have gotten this power I think you have forgotten what it's like to be a top star around here. You have to treat your number one star like gold to keep him happy so you can be happy. In case you don't know, I'm the top of the pecking order here. I'm the new generation, I'm the future of this business. If you expect to stay the general manager I suggest that you start protecting your future investments. But for those fans who don't know CM Punk, he is supposedly straight edge. Well last night on the Tonight Show a different side of CM Punk was out and about and what do you know, I seem to have footage of this. So guys why don't we roll the tape and show the world what CM Punk is really like out side of the ring.
The camera zooms into the titan tron bringing it to the full the screen view and The Tonight Show with Jay Leno comes up with Jay sitting at his desk on the stage. The camera shoots to a quick shot of the fans and back to Jay who has coffe mug in hand and is ready to begin.
Jay Leno
Well tonight folks we have a special treat for you. The WWER's own JD Michales will be our first guest. But before we bring him out I want to tell you a little about this young man. He started off just like any other kid who watched wrestling and wanted to be one when he grew up. JD went through his training through OVW and other such organizations before striking it big in the WWER. JD Michales has to also be one of the luckiest men in the world. If you have not seen his wife then shame on you. JD has the luxury of being married to April Hunter who is his manager and diva also in the WWER and is a model. Alright, so here he is folks, JD...uh...hold on a minute, I have just been handed a note here..it seems that we have a CP Munk? Well alright, let's bring him out!
An arousing amount of cheers came from the crowd thinking maybe that Jay had gotten the name wrong and it was CM Punk the manager of Smackdown! But to their surprise and amusement it was not CM Punk, but JD Michaels in a black wing, fake piercings, and wash on tattoos with a fake blunt in his mouth and a beer in his hand. Jay's mouth dropped with a grin on his face and the crowd wasn't sure what to think of what they where looking at. CP Munk shook Jay's hand before sitting down in the chair and putting the beer down on Jay's desk beside him still with the fake blunt in his mouth.
Jay Leno
I'm not quite sure what is going on here. But would you care to explain what you are doing? Or who you are?
CP Munk
Well you see Jay, it's quite simple. I am the alter ego of CM Punk. You see what you get on Smackdown! is just a ploy to all those sucker of fans who think I'm "straight edge". I mean come on, what dummies. After I get out of that hell hole of a arena the first thing I do is get a smoke and then I head to the nearest bar for a drink. I could care less of what these fans think of me. Well I guess I'm wrong Jay, I am straight edge, I'm on the straight edge of this smoke and on my bottle. You see this is the real me Jay.
Jay Leno
I think it is quite obvious to our fans here and to our views at home that you are not CM Punk. You are JD Michaels in a wig impersonating CM Punk. The question is why are you doing it? What purpose is this for?
JD Michales
Jay, let me put this in simple terms for you. The perception you get of CM Punk on tv isn't the same CM Punk you get out side of the TV tapping. What you saw here is what you get. The people need to wake up and see the truth. If CM Punk is straight Edge, then Obama and McCain are telling the truth every time they promise some thing. And we all know that just isn't true. My point of this is that CM Punk wants to act like something he is not. I'm making it my personal mission to make his life a personal Hell until he decides to show the world what he is really like.
Jay Leno
Now I am a big fan of wrestling my self. I watch it every week. I saw what happened to CM Punk's office last week and I understand that he has put you in match against the Undertaker this week as a punishment. What do you feel about facing the Undertaker in a match that is supposed to be a punishment? Do you feel like you will be treated fairly in this match?
JD Michaels
Well you know Jay, with Punk in charge I don't expect to be treated fairly. But everyone wants to know what I think about the Undertaker. They want to know if I am afraid of him. Well let me start off by saying this, I do respect the man. He has been in the business for a very long time. But you see Jay, that is the problem, these old geezers just don't know when to step down and let us new generation superstars take over and give the crowd something exciting to watch. Am I afraid to be in the ring with the Undertaker? My answer is no. I mean come on, he might as well be walking around with a stroller. How old is he? 72? It doesn't matter, I'm quicker than him and in the end being younger I will have more endurance. Everyone is saying that the Undertaker will destroy me, well I say they need to change their bet because the new lion is about to teach the old lion why the jungle is a hole new world then what it used to be.
The screen goes black for a split second before going to view of the stage with JD Michales and April standing with big smiles on their faces. A constant amount of boos come from the crowd as a shocked CM Punk is still in the middle of the ring speechless. JD's smile is evident and he raises the microphone to speak once more.
JD Michaels
Now all you fans finally know what the real CM Punk is like. It's your choice who you believe. But why would someone as beautiful as me have to lie. Punk, I have a feeling that this is far from over, but be warned once more I will win this game. No matter what you want to do to me. I will win. You want to put me up against the Undertaker in the main event as a punishment? We'll see who is punished by the end of the match. Like I said on the tonight show, you expect me to lose, well you better find someone that doesn't have you use a stroller to walk and who can remember World War II like it was yesterday. I will not be held responsible for what happens in the upcoming weeks Punk. This is all on your head. So until later folks, tune into the same JD channel every week to get your dose of sexy.
Bawitaba plays over the arena as JD and April walk back stage leaving Punk in the middle of the ring with a scowl on his face and a large amount of boos from the crowd. The camera fades to black as the commercials begin to play.
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